Description
We have just moved through some pretty amazing astrology. On Friday there was a new moon in Aries, combined with a huge build up of planets in that sign, the first sign in the zodiac. Many have seen this as a cosmic ignition point. All systems go.
Today, Sunday 19th, the sun moves into Taurus, inviting us to embody the shifts and start to live them.
I have experienced strong electricity in my body since Thursday, and yesterday felt completely “undone”, almost as if I were a rag doll. It was as if some strings holding things together were severed and I had no direction, motivation, purpose or point.
This morning, lying in bed, gateways opened up within me. New, or maybe ancient flows of energy were initiating. I felt into the pleasure of this, and became aware of something else being lifted out by these new flows. It was what I am calling a veil of self abandonment. It was a soft, gentle, delightful release. I have spent a lot of time looking at elements that make up this veil. Its dissolution was a relief that made me laugh out loud in bed.
As a child I was horrified by the life I was born into. No idea then of having chosen my parents, and set things up as exactly what I needed. I simply felt like a victim of circumstance. Perpetually ashamed of my alcoholic, brawling, publicly embarrassing parents. Also,I was deeply afraid even as a little child that someone would realise I was gay, and desperately tried to cover that up.
I longed to be someone else.
Now, after much deep healing work, and many spiritual realisations about the perfection of life and how it all plays out, I am very happy being me. What I hadn’t realised was the strength of that longing to be someone other than who I am. Today, as I lay in bed, I had felt sense flash backs to the power I encoded into essentially wanting to be another person. This was my self abandonment, and self rejection. It has had a huge impact over the years, particularly in areas of creativity and what I bring to the world. Nothing I could do would ever be enough, would ever be right because I wasn’t right.
I am not writing this to elicit any sort of sympathy. I write because I recognise that we all have abandoned ourselves at some level. This is a collective wound. It’s part of the training we go through in the world we have co-created. It’s how we fit in. How you have abandoned yourself will be different to how I did it. Doesn’t matter. It keeps us separate from the power and potential that lie within.
In order to access the tidal wave of energy unleashing in and around us now, we have to lay to rest our self abandonment. We have to fully accept who and what we are, claim it as the bedrock this life. In this way, we can settle much more deeply into the body and unlock the extraordinary stores of wisdom and potential that are waiting for us.
In today’s energy work, we will work with the inner gateways that are opening up, by focusing on the portals in the head, heart and pelvis. This will help to open strong, deep flows of life-force and bring them into and through the body. This in itself is a powerful piece of work.
It will lead us to the next piece, where we invite that life-force to dissolve points of attachment and lift out any layers of self abandonments we are holding in own our cell tissue, or energy field. Here we will be accessing the massive level off support that comes to join us in these events.
This is one of those key elements in our recovery and integration process. The shared wound of self abandonment means we are always feeling slightly, of massively disconnected, and not present. Always wishing to be somewhere else, or someone else. Always expecting and wanting things and ourselves to be different than we/they are.
It means we are not embodied to the fullest extent possible. This often has implications for the health and vitality of our physical system, and our enjoyment of the life we are in.
We can’t change our lives or the world if we are not deeply present, and deeply accepting of how it/we are and have been. This piece of energy work today and the astrology of these times may not totally heal our self abandonment but it will certainly lessen its impact and shine a light on the issue and how it plays out for you. It will take you the next couple of steps along the way. Self abandonment is one of those multi faceted patterns that show up in so many areas of life. I will no doubt have other levels of this to deal with. We all will.
Self abandonment is ultimately about our relationship with our soul and all of us are deepening that in our own time. Hopefully, this piece of work will assist.
